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– ParaMort –

I am confined within the duress
of making myself into the object
of so many differing desires,
living the days not for my own pleasure,
but for the whim and the will of others,
and I am left feeling crushed between
too many conflicting personalities,
too many chaotic energies.

For the presence of my paramours,
I am far less comfortable in closer spaces.
The duality of that personality
leaves me wanting in trust.
What am I to think of your motives?
How am I to to carry the feeling
that the sense of my self protection
is an injury against you?

It was for the best,
this complication that tipped the scale;
It was for the best,
this complication that tipped the scale,
this interruption in our history
which set us on a diverted course.
You would only want the best of me,
and the reality of all that I can be
is far less capable than you wish to believe.

Yet I still feel such a sense of loss
for that certain something
that I can never have,
the unattainable dream,
the ideal of a perfection
which does not truly exist.

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