2004-12-30
My calendar picks up the new year around October 23rd, 2003. The date that I finally got the courage to leave the nightmare that was my childhood.
It’s hard to put things in review when you’re technically still in the process of composing them.
Winter’s grace has descended once again into this concrete jungle.
Where did we find ourselves last year?
Where were we then, and what did we dream.
It seems that for so long I’ve been chasing this ghost of an ideal goal.
For so long now it seems that I’ve been sad…
But then of course there were good times.
The times I sat with a great buzzing group of people, their energy whipping through me so fast I could barely process it.
And then there were times I sat alone with a single entity, and enjoyed that persons company with selfish pride. I always seem to need to be the centre of attention to thrive, and I can never cope with being alone…
For a few brief moments in the non-existant thing we call time, they were my family. The one I wish I had before I was broken. I guess I should be happy enough with that. I can say truthfully that I got what I wanted all along. A moment in time is all I really needed because I never really did say forever, did I? Forever only lasts as long as we do, anyway.
As always, I maintain my core philosophy:
I have seen many things,
I have been many places,
I have done my wrongs
and found my rights.
I have loved and lost.
I have taken flight,
and fallen down so hard my heart was knocked out of me.
No matter what comes next, I can take comfort in the fact that I made it this far away from those who would have rather seen me fail than admit their part in it…
And I know now that I can make it even further.