– (__)Visible Girl –
My mind plays tricks on me,
drives me to fill the space inside myself
in ways my heart regrets.
I have failed you by transmuting
my anger into my actions.
I was so afraid of myself.
I was far too hard while still so fragile.
I was becoming everything in loss
that I had shed to find my life in love.
I miss the visions of me in colour;
In all of these solitary years
I have forgotten myself,
I have turned to dark and grey.
I miss those simpler distractions
that made me remember my image
in the warmer light of day.
My lifetime is spent
in lifelines building;
All of my remedies overcome
with these insular consolations
that our love was everything to me
when I could not see myself.
Being seen for what I am
would be so much easier
if I was truly forgettable.
But I am worse than invisible,
because you only choose to see me
when I am no longer there.