– Meditations of our Medications –
I made the choice to medicate,
though fearing the loss of that spark
that connects me to my faith;
Fearing an irreparable separation
from my sacred relation to the living universe;
Though the argument of the sane and sensible
would be that any belief of Gods and faith
is in itself a form of madness.
There was a sense of growth;
I was changing for the better,
but I wasn’t entirely myself anymore.
I felt like a piece of me had been cut away.
I had indeed begun to lose
that certain sense of mysticism,
and it continues to sit ill with me
even as that sense of stability
continues its pathway of growth.
What I fear most in this chemical mediation
is that the more I continue to grow,
the more my spark will fade.
Worse still should I falter
and recant from that chemical stability,
how much the full feeling
of my emotional flame
may suddenly burn me.